I Saw God

“And the sky was made of amethyst.”

It was really powerful to watch the documentary on Patty Schemel’s life, She Hit So Hard. I was grateful to be in the company of 3 amazing women, creators, and artists. There was so much I never knew about the dynamics and lives of Patty and those close to her. I just remember EXACTLY how it felt to stare at her playing. And to hear her speak firsthand about confronting her demons, time and time again – and particularly how heroin was a strange drug of choice for a drummer, ostensibly the core of the band meant to keep pace and stability.

It wasn’t irrelevant to me that she was a queer woman from a small town, nor was it irrelevant to see stories of the big-time producer who pushed her to the brink with Celebrity Skin, eventually outing her for a “Johnny One Take,” as she referred to it. Today I was having coffee with Diane and I relayed how sitting behind a drumset is the single occasion in my life to afford me the greatest sense of peace, quietude, embodiment, joy. I can SEE and HEAR it in Patty.

It was good to see her sober. It was good to hear honest talk about the pull towards oblivion and that feeling of first wings, but then that pull back to the living.

“All my friends are embryonic, all my friends are dead and gone. All my friends are microscopic, all my friends wake up alone.”

Patty. Thank you. You have no idea what you did and do for some of us.

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